


Night at the Museum

by KingoftheUzbeks



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: F/M, Humor, One Shot, Pointless, Quests
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 05:35:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15478758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingoftheUzbeks/pseuds/KingoftheUzbeks
Summary: An ancient weapon sits in the American Museum of Natural History. Something must be done.





	Night at the Museum

"So let me get this straight." Percy asked. "There is an immensely powerful weapon at the Natural History Museum, completely unguarded, and you want me to go destroy it?" 

"Yes." Ares said gruffly. "Are you as dumb as you look?" 

"Why should I do that?" 

"Because the weapon is immensely dangerous punk. Can't let it fall into the wrong hands." 

That was surprisingly well reasoned, Percy thought, maybe it was Mars. Ares pulled a shotgun out of nowhere and started scratching his back with it. Nope, it was Ares. 

"Why me? There are dozens of demigods in the city alone, and even more at camp. Some of them are your kids, they'd love to do something for you both." Unlike Percy. 

Aphrodite, who currently looked a bit like Annabeth if Annabeth had abandoned all practicality in favor of being a washed up model, gave a dramatic little sigh. 

"Hon, you have proven ability to get the job done. If we went to camp it would be a big deal, it'd be public there might even be a prophecy issued. But you have the discretion to do it quietly." Percy wondered how on earth she'd missed the various monuments, cars, and hot dog stands he'd destroyed over the years. 

"If you refuse I blast you to bits." Ares added helpfully, cocking his shotgun. "Actually maybe you should refuse." 

Percy swore under his breath, there went the weekend. 

"Is there like, a time limit on this? Some big feast where the world ends if this weapon is still there?" 

Aphrodite gave a laugh that sounded like a chorus of bells. 

"So long as no one finds out, there's no rush."

"Good, cause Annabeth has an calculus test on Monday, and I kee..." Ares's shotgun was suddenly pointed straight into Percy's face. Aphrodite's face hardened, and her voice gained an edge to it. 

"Honey, as much as I live for watching you two on a quest together, there's really no need for you to tell her about this." 

...

Annabeth had not seen her mother smile very often, and certainly not with that far away look in her eyes. Whatever "intrested" her enough to ask her daughter to retrieve it was something unique. 

"Is it dangerous?" Annabeth asked. 

"Not particularly, especially for someone with your skill. It's not even magical, you should be we to get it out of the museum by midnight." 

This was very much unlike Athena, to send a demigod on a pointless quest for what was (apparently) a worthless artifact. Giant magical statues, yes, but not trinkets. 

Annabeth sighed. 

"What is it?" 

"An artifact from the Trojan War. Previously getting too close to it made the Gods split apart in pain but after the recent developments..." Athena glared at Annabeth, apparently still unsure if averting war was a good plan. "But now such items are useful trophies for the Gods." 

"Why do you need trophy? Seems sort of superfluous for a Godess of Wisdom." Annabeth wondered, more to herself then to her mother. Athena narrowed her eyes.

"It's an item of historical significance, better in a secure location like my library on Olympus then in the hands of Ares or some other such God." She said hasilty. 

...

And that was how Annabeth found herself breaking into a Museum instead of studying for her test. The mortal lock system was disturbingly able to disable, she probobly could have gotten in even if Malcom hadn't insisted everyone in the Athena cabin learn to bypass basic electronic security systems. 

Unfortunately there seemed to be some sort of magical trip wire that triggered as she entered the building. Stone snakes appeared out of nowhere and started attacking her. Annabeth managed to stab one, but her blade just bounced off of the stone. Wonderful. 

She cursed and sprinted away, thankfully the snakes seemed to be pretty slow, maybe she could out run them and...

One of the snakes made a wretching sound behind her. Something glowing shot past her and hit a Pacific Canoe, which was then suddenly wrapped in white cloth, like a very long mummy. 

Wait a minute. 

Annabeth turned around. Another snake shot out a glowing object. A heiroglyph. She ducked, and a mask turned into a bunch of dung beetles. 

"I'm not here for the Egyptian collection." She explained, ready to run at any moment. "There's a special exhibition about bronze age Greece and my mother..." 

The snakes looked at her, hissed among themselves, the turned and slithered away away. 

...

Meanwhile Percy was arguing with some ghosts. Behind them stood a long hall of ancient weaponry, if Ares wasn't lying (there was a strong possibility he was) the weapon would be right there. However blocking his path was a group of a dozen or so ghosts. They were all Trojan, all had visible wounds, and all had no idea the war had ended millennia ago. 

"No Aechean shall pass into our realm." One, whose face had a sword sticking out of it, declared. 

"Look, I get it, you guys don't like the Greeks, but like, I need to get through. I was a Praetor of Rome for like, a day, a while back. Doesn't that count for something?" He said. The ghosts hadn't attacked yet, which made him think they couldn't, but he didn't really want to risk being proven wrong. 

The ghosts stared at him blankly. Sword head's face screwed up in confusion. Instead it was a warrior with a spear in his chest who replied. 

"What's a Rome?" 

"Uhh...so like when Troy fell thi..." the ghosts apparently did not like the idea of Troy falling and they made a clamor of discontent. 

"Impossible! Troy could never fall!" Spear chest yelled. "Our walls were built by Poseidon himself!" 

"Oh great, Poseidon is my dad." Percy clapped his hands together. "So maybe you could let me through as thanks for him building your walls, which are obviously never going to fall." 

"Nonsense, not while Poseidon is supporting the Aecheans! Now if you could convince your father to switch sides, maybe destroy some of their ships then maybe we let you through." Sword head decided. 

Percy racked his head, trying to remember the bits of Homer he'd picked up while at camp. He knew that Athena had sided with the Greeks, that was probobly why Ares and Aphrodite had been opposed to Annabeth coming. Wait. Aphrodite and the Golden Apple. Paris had picked her and she'd backed Troy and Ares had followed.

"I'm on a quest given by Ares and Aphrodite." 

That certainly got the ghosts talking. They began debating the merits of letting him past, and whether stopping him would offend Aphrodite and Ares. Sword head and Spear chest turned back to the mob of ghosts and began furiously waving their transparent arms. Percy took the time to glance at the hall behind them. Yep, there is was, a golden tipped spear, a little bent in the middle. Something clattered in the back of the gallery, some of the ghosts looked up, but it seemed lime nothing was there. The ghosts continued talking. Eventually they came to a conclusion. Sword head turned around. 

"Very well we'll allow you to pass, if you prove your worth and retrieve..." 

Percy ignored that and walked straight ahead, passing through Sword head. Nothing happened. Then the other ghosts attempted to seize him, only to pass through him. They yelled a bit about Greek treachery and how King Priam and Prince Hector would have his head for this. Despite the screams the ghosts began to fade away. 

Pocketing Riptide, Percy walked up to the bent spear and hoisted it up, the gold paint was rough and uneven, with varying levels of thickness and two distinct shades. No one had told him how to destroy it. Would just snapping it in two do? Did he have to burn it? 

Suddenly he heard footsteps. He whirled around and pointed the spear at the sound. It was Annabeth, Yankees hat in one hand, knife in the other. 

"What are you doing here Seaweed Brain?" 

...

The nearest fast food restaurant was a Wendy's, but there was some boycott over Tomato pickers or something, and Rachel would have killed them if they went, so they ended up at a Burger King instead.

"So uh...what is it?" Percy asked in between bites. Annabeth frowned. 

"I don't know, it doesn't seem dangerous to me, look how bent it is."

"Maybe it's disguised, with like a really powerful Mist coat? Hazel is in town, maybe we could ask her." 

"I don't think so, of it was really that deadly, wouldn't Ares want it for himself?" Percy nodded in agreement. "But he wants it destroyed, and so does Aphrodite. Since when does she care about weapons?"

"Did the Trojans have Imperial Gold? Because that's not Bronze." 

"I think it might be, it feels more like paint then Gold, and it goes onto the wooden part." She reasoned. 

"Again a question for Hazel." 

"The pattern has to mean something, these splotches and shades seem random, but there has to be some reasoning behind it." Annabeth concluded, dunking her fries into some ketchup. As she lifted it to her mouth, some dropped onto her blue t-shirt. "Shit, I just got this one." 

"Hey, at least it's not blood." Percy said with a grin. 

"Seaweed Brain that's not funny at all and...blood." Her eyes pivoted to the spear, and the golden splotches. "You don't think..." 

Percy looked confused for a nanosecond, the a look of realization dawned on his face. 

"Ichor isn't dangerous to us, is it? And would it even last this long?" Annabeth's eyes remained fixed on the spear tip. 

"When you wounded Ares, did it stain Riptide like this?" Percy shrugged helplessly. 

"I had to look away to avoid being vaporized, and then Alecto was there and then we took the bolt back..."

"Ugh. Your're as useful as ever." Annabeth muttered, though she had a smile on her lips. Percy grinned back. 

"Hey, you should have seen me back in the museum with my Homer. I remembered which gods were fighting for which side and everything." Annabeth's eyes widened. 

"Gods fighting..."

...

"Are you sure this is where your mom wanted to meet and get the spear?" Percy asked, looking around the subway station. It was dingy and empty. There had been a hobo when they had arrived, but he had cleared out pretty quickly. 

"Yes...and what did you say Ares and Aphrodite wanted you to do when you destroyed it?"

"Uhh I'm supposed to invoke them. Now could you please explain who this Diomedes guy is and why everyone wants his spear." Annabeth sighed. 

"How many years have I been teaching the Illiad to you?"

"I know, I know." 

"Fine. Diomedes was a great Greek warrior, the King of Argos. He was pary of an army that burned Thebes, and then took his forces to Troy. Diomedes brought 80 ships. He was effectively second in command to Agememnon, only Achilles was a better warrior, and my mother favored him above everyone except maybe Odysseus." 

"Dude gets second place a lot." Annabeth shrugged. 

"When he returned home Aphrodite cursed him and his wife promptly dumped him for another man. He managed to avoid getting murdered like Agememnon, but he spent the rest of his days wandering and founding colonies in Italy."

"Cheery, but not related to his spear." 

"Well, the curse from Aphrodite is relevant. So one day my mom blessed him, and he got the ability to see where the Gods were fighting on the battlefield. He wounded Aeneas, son of Aphrodite, and she came to whisk him home to Troy. Diomedes stabbed her in the wrist." 

"Was that the Aeneas?" 

"Yeah, Apollo came and rescued him after Aphrodite ran off. Diomedes attacked but Apollo turned him back." 

"So Aphrodite is afraid of a spear that pricked her four thousand years ago, and she got Ares on board to help her out?"

"Well a bit later Ares came storming at Diomedes, looking to avenge Aphrodite. Then Diomedes rammed his spear into his stomach." Percy grinned. 

"Not gonna lie, that's pretty cool. Who was his godly parent?" 

"Like most of the Greek army, Diomedes was a plain mortal. Though I would remind you both that I guided his chariot to Ares and guided his spear." A voice from behind them said. They turned and saw Athena standing before them, helmet on her head and with a bronze breastplate. 

"Lady Athena." Percy said. 

"Mom." Annabeth said. "We have what you asked for." She reached out her arm to give Athena the spear. Percy however suddenly looked frightened. 

"Wait. I'm in favor of humiliations of Ares, but he and Aphrodite sent me to destroy that. They'll be pissed at me if I fail to do that." Athena glared at Percy. 

"Are you questioning my right to a spear that my champion threw, a spear that I guided?" 

"No Ma'am but still..." Athena held up her hand and Percy found himself unable to speak. She took the spear from Annabeth's hand. 

"I trust that you will not be so foolish as to rub their failures in their faces?" Percy shook his head. "Then I doubt they will give you any trouble. Lady Aphrodite is invested enough in your..." Athena wrinkled her nose in disgust. "relations with my daughter, that I doubt she will strike you down directly. As for Ares, his anger will cool eventually." Percy started to protest that "eventually" might not be soon enough, but Athena turned towards Annabeth. 

"Now, I suppose I should give you a reward. My cabin is captaining capture the flag next Friday, correct?" Annabeth nodded. "The Apollo Cabin is hiding their flag on an oak 345 meters to the southeast from the creek. They expect your flag to be at Zeus's Fist, and will be using that Son of Hades to try and get it quickly. I would advise you to tell Malcom that." Athena nodded and then disappeared. 

Percy looked at Annabeth. She looked back at him. 

"Did that just happen?" He asked. "Because that was so unbelievably pointless I think this might be a hallucination."

"Nope," she said. "I think we just fetched a spear that my mother will use to humiliate two other Olympian gods, and we were rewarded with advice for a capture the flag game neither of us will attend." 

"Wanna go see a late night movie?" Percy asked suddenly. Annabeth sighed. 

"I have the test Monday." 

"It's Friday night, and you have an 102 percent." Annabeth smiled. 

"Alright, what did you have in mind?"

And so they walked, hand in hand, out of the subway station.

**Author's Note:**

> My first PJO fic. Inspired by the work of HecateA, which often features Demigods being sent on pointless Miniquests.


End file.
